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Come Holy Spirit - Help Us To Pray
by Benedict Heron OSB
Part 2
Chapter Three: Repentance
Our daily prayer should surely normally include repentance, offering, listening, asking and praising, not necessarily
in that order. I think it can often be good to start and end with praise. So the following chapters will be on
these aspects of prayer.
We all need to repent, for we are all sinners. We all need to say frequently with the tax collector
in the Gospel, "God be merciful to me a sinner"
(Luke 18:13). In this life we shall never be so
holy that we no longer need to repent. At the beginning of the Mass there is a prayer of repentance for everyone.
Indeed, if anyone thinks they do not need to repent, they have a special need to repent of spiritual pride.
The special saints usually have a greater spirit of repentance than the rest of us. Being nearer
to Jesus than we are, they can see more clearly than we the spiritual things in their lives which are not like
the life of Jesus, the failings which are not in line with the teachings of Jesus. So we are all called not only
to go on repenting, but also to go on growing in the grace and virtue of repentance.
As the years go by, I find new areas in my life where repentance is needed. I do not think I
am more sinful than I used to be - thanks to the grace of God and the prayers of other people. But I am more aware
of certain areas of my life where I need to repent, I am also sure that there are still further areas awaiting
repentance
when I am ready. I think that sin goes so deep in each of us, that it is normally only little by little that we
are able to face up to the necessity of repentance. For example, in my own life it is only in recent times that
I am becoming more aware of my exaggerated seif-centredness, which cannot just be psychologically explained away
- sin is involved. There is pride and selfishness there. Jesus said: "Be
perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect" (Matthew 5:48). So we need not worry that we shall run out of things for
which we need to repent!
Some sins are fairly obvious, although it is surprising how successful we can be in explaining
them away, in justifying our sinfulness. Adultery can be seen as kindness to another person. Stealing can be seen
as restoring justice. Cruelty can be seen as teaching someone a necessary lesson. Pride can be seen as a rightful
self-respect. Racism can be seen as loyalty to one's country. Alcohol abuse can be seen as necessary relaxation.
Jealousy and envy can be seen as promoting truth. Laziness can be seen as a due regard for one's health. Greed
can be seen as a just reward. Unforgiveness can be seen as not being soft. Lack of trust can be seen as prudent
realism. The list could go on. Our minds can be wonderfully fertile when it comes to not recognising our sinfulness!
Let us, for example, look at our failures in not trusting God enough, which involves lack of
faith and hope. In the picture of Jesus connected with the devotion to the Divine Mercy there are the words, "Jesus I trust in You". When I pray before that picture I
am often painfully aware in how many areas I am not trusting Jesus: for example, questions of health, shortage
of time and energy, relationships, my priestly ministry, intercessory prayer, the future. In the uncertainties
of today's world, when there is often very little job security, when so many marriages are breaking up, when violence
is on the increase, when children are getting involved with drugs, when so many people are living under pressure,
there is often a great need to trust God. And if that is true for people living in England, what about those living
in say many parts of Africa, where there is much less security at the human level?
So what do we do about our failure to trust God? I frequently need to repent of my lack of faith
and hope, my failure to trust Jesus, and then I ask God for greater gifts of faith and hope. Then I try to step
out in faith, however I am feeling.
Another area where many people need to repent is that of lack of love, charity - indeed, we surely all need to
repent of our failing in love, and not infrequently, I quite often have to battle with feelings of wrong anger,
indeed sometimes with thoughts of violence. The devil, playing on our weak spots, can put such thoughts in our
minds. Repentance is part of the way of fighting such thoughts.
Lack of love can take so many forms, from the violence we read about in the newspapers to unloving
thoughts and sins of omission. In one sense every sin is an expression of lack of love. If we loved God and our
neighbour more there would be less injustices, jealousy, envy, greed, lust, laziness and all the other sins.
Our lack of love can be focused on this or that individual person or on a group. Some people
tend to be angry and unloving towards members of the opposite sex. Some people focus their hatred on members of
other races. One has only to think of the utterly appalling hatred which Christians have so often had for the Jews
down the centuries! How right Pope John Paul II is to publicly repent of our sins in this area.
Unforgiveness is a very common expression of lack of love. Jesus taught us to pray: "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us".
As a priest I find that many of the people who come to me for help are struggling with a problem of forgiveness
- indeed at times I am having to struggle myself! And some of the people who come to me are not struggling with
this problem but ought to be. They have not yet faced up to the demands of the Christian gospel on this point.
When people have been very badly hurt by others in life, it is very understandable that they
cannot easily forgive. Indeed, without a special grace from God they will not succeed in doing so. Think, for example,
of the faithful wife whose husband has left her penniless with four young children to join up with another younger
woman; or there is the person who has in old age been cheated of all their life's savings; or the person who has
been deliberately blinded by muggers in order to take their handbag or wallet; or the priest who has been falsely
accused of sexual misbehaviour. In all these cases someone's life can feel as if it has totally collapsed at the
human level. The last thing they feel like is forgiving!
Yet even in circumstances like these we have to seek to follow the command of Jesus to forgive,
and this means repenting of all unforgiveness and asking God for the grace to forgive. People will reply sometimes
that they have tried to forgive but the unforgiving feelings simply keep coming up and overwhelming them. Yes,
we cannot always control our feelings. But forgiveness is primarily a question of the will, not the feelings. So
we can by the grace of God make an act of the will, forgiving and asking Jesus also to forgive the person who has
wronged us, and praying for the offender: "But I say to you, love
your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" (Matthew
5:43). (It may help us to forgive in difficult circumstances if we remember that we are the
first victims of our own unforgiveness).
Finally, in the matter of repenting of our lack of love, sometimes sins of omissions are the
area where repentance is most needed. The support and help we have not given, the financial aid we have withheld
when we could easily have given, the prayers we have not said, our lack of concern for our neighbour. Without becoming
scrupulous, it can sometimes be good to examine our conscience on these omissions. And this can include our failure
to praise and thank God which shows a lack of love.
Following Ezekiel (Chapter 36),
we can repent of our "heart of stone"
and ask God to find us "a new heart",
"a heart of flesh".
Pride is another area where there is often much need for repentance. Once again, we all need
to repent of our pride at times. Our pride can take so many forms, we can be proud in so many areas of our lives,
and the devil is clever at hiding our pride from us. I find it difficult to know what to say when someone who has
come to me for spiritual help solemnly assures me that they are a humble person and never have any trouble with
pride. I feel like saying: "That is wonderful. I will write to the
Vatican and arrange for your immediate canonisation". What I actually say is: "Perhaps there is some area of your life where you are not perfectly humble, and where therefore
perhaps there is sometimes at least a little pride". Not many people are willing
to say that they are always perfectly humble in every way! That can be the way in.
Yes, we can be proud of so many things. Our good looks - that has never been for me a particular
source of temptation! (St Francis de Sales, so I am told, once replied to a woman who confessed that she spent
too much time admiring her beauty in a mirror, that in her case that was primarily a matter of mistaken judgement).
We can be proud of our family, our ancestry, our class, our relationships (I tend to name drop). I knew a woman
now dead who was completely cut off by her family because she married beneath her, she married a man who was a
mere medical doctor.
We can be proud of our possessions, money, career and income. Why drive around in a car costing
£150,000 when a car costing so much less would be more than adequate? Surely the reason is largely so that
other people may know you can afford such a car. It is not only the very wealthy who can have problems of that
kind. There can be a one-upmanship in possessions right down to the very poor.
Then there are the many forms of intellectual and cultural pride. In some circles you can be made to feel rather
out of it if you do not know about the philosophy of Sartre, or the music of Beethoven, or the paintings of Cezanne,
or the poetry of T.S. Eliot, or the novels of Tolkien. People without university degrees can also be regarded as
somewhat second class in academic circles.
There can be pride connected with sport and athletics. Some people spend much time and energy
in keeping their muscles bulging, their golf handicap down, and in seeking to play for their county or town, in
rugby or soccer, or snooker. How proud I was when I was first selected to play for my school's first fifteen in
rugby!
Then there is masculine pride. If one looks at the long history of humanity, the normal thing has usually been
for women to be largely regarded as second class human beings, to be dominated and pushed around by men. Thank
God that has largely changed in some places, but many men still need to repent of the pride present in their attitudes
towards women. Not a few men still find it difficult to work under the authority of a woman, however much the woman
is the right person to be in the position of authority. However, the right solution is not to go to the opposite
extreme of feminine superiority, which is sometimes happening today in certain circles.
Finally, there is spiritual pride and clerical pride. We can look down on people who have not
read St Teresa, or who do not know what the divine office is, or who have never heard of Fatima, or who do not
pray with the gift of tongues, or who have no Bible, or do not know where to find the letter of St James in the
New Testament, or who do not know what a novena is, or who have never heard of Billy Graham or Mother Teresa. We
can also look down on people who are single parents, or who have an alcoholic problem, or who have an addiction
to gambling, or who have been in prison for theft, or who do not know what man is the father of their child, or
who have a homosexual orientation.
As to clerical pride, the clergy can easily feel they have got somewhere when they are ordained
and can walk about in a clerical collar. It is not always good for the humility of the clergy when people treat
them with exaggerated deference and tell them how very wonderful all their sermons are. Clerical pride causes much
harm in some parishes where the clerical leader insists on taking nearly all important decisions on his own and
fails to make use of the laity's gifts and experience. I personally have needed at times to repent of my clerical
pride. There have been occasions when I have made some lay people feel that they were rather second class Christians.
So it should not be difficult to see that we at times need to repent of our pride. Ask the Holy Spirit to show
you when and where you are being called to repent in this way, to give you the grace to do so at an ever deeper
level. And ask the Holy Spirit to give you an ever greater gift of joyful authentic humility.
I write 'authentic' humility
because we do not want false humility, Authentic humility is based on truth. So, - if God has given you an artistic
or musical gift, do not deny it, but recognise it, use it and thank God for it. If God has used you to do something
for His Kingdom, do not pretend that He has not. But thank Him and give Him the glory.
I do not think that in general people should seek humiliations in order to grow in humility.
However, because pride goes so deep in each one of us, I do not think that most people will grow all that much
in humility unless they experience humiliations.
Humiliations do not automatically lead to humility - they can turn people to drink or drugs or
suicide. But humiliations are always a call and opportunity to grow in humility. So let us seek to use our humiliations
in life positively. Things like physical handicaps, inability to pass exams, being unable to find a job or a spouse,
being made redundant, the breaking up of a marriage, one's children taking to drugs, being falsely accused of a
crime, becoming physically dependent on others through,
for example, blindness, becoming incontinent or senile, can all be turned through the grace of God into greater
humility. In all such situations pride will normally to some extent be present in our reactions and frustrations.
Repentance for pride will be part of the true way forward of letting God bring good out of evil, of growing in
holiness.
There is no space here for going into all the other areas of sinfulness which call for repentance.
However, it is, I think, right to mention the importance of persevering in repentance. By this I do not mean going
on repenting endlessly for sins that have been forgiven. That can often be spiritually unhealthy, it can show a
lack of faith in God's forgiveness. What I mean is that we can easily become discouraged when we have gone on repenting
for a particular sin and yet have continued to go on repeating that sin. It may, for example, be a sin of alcohol
abuse or a sexual sin liSDSke indulging in pornography or visiting prostitutes. Having tried to give up the habit,
perhaps even for a long time, and failed, people can easily come to the conclusion that they are a hopeless case
and there is no point in repenting and trying any more. "Love hopes
all things (I CorinthianS 13)."
Without becoming obsessed by the problems they should never give up repenting and trying to overcome the difficulty.
There are many people who have been gloriously liberated from a habitual sin after years of trying, and their lives
have been wonderfully transformed.
Then there is the question of collective sin and repentance. I mentioned earlier the absolutely
horrific way in which Christians so often treated Jews for many centuries. One could mention also England's treatment
of Ireland in the past, and the slave trade in which vast numbers of Africans were shipped to America. There are
many other examples in history. Even though we may not have personally sinned in such cases, yet we have a certain
human solidarity with the past and present of our own people, and it is right that we should repent and tell God
and other people that we are sorry for these sins, that we apologise to God and other people for them.
Obviously collective repentance for the past or present is something very different from repenting of our own personal
sins. When we meet Jesus after this life, we shall have to answer for our own personal sins and not those of our
ancestors or contemporaries. But we are right to feel sorry for these collective sins, past or present, and to
tell God and others so, and to make amends when possible or appropriate.
Repentance can be regarded as something rather negative and grim. Let us, some Christians may think, concentrate
uniquely on joyful praise and thanksgiving, On the positive side of things. But we cannot cut out repentance -
not until we get to heaven. There is no authentic, joyful praise unless we have been
through repentance.
Sometimes in a prayer meeting we are trying to praise joyfully, but somehow it is not authentic.
But if we turn to true repentance and then return to praise, the praise will really be joyful and take off. The
same applies at the individual level. My praise and thanksgiving will be largely dead if what God is calling me
to do at this moment is to repent.
Something similar can be said about the sacrament of reconciliation or confession. It is basically
a truly joyful, cleansing, healing sacrament, not a negative concentration on guilt and sin. At times this sacrament
can be used by Jesus to lift heavy burdens of guilt and sin off people's backs. At other times it can be rather
like taking a bath when you are beginning to feel sticky - we emerge feeling cleaner and more joyful. I personally
find that confession more or less monthly is for me a source of grace and makes me feel better, happier, and more
peaceful. I am not saying that everyone should go to confession monthly, but I do think that many people who have
more or less dropped this sacrament have spiritually lost something by doing so. I also think that confessing one's
sins to another individual can have spiritual advantages at the level of humility and guidance - I note that many
evangelicals who would not talk about confession as a sacrament nevertheless encourage this individual sharing.
So we should see the gift of repentance as a truly liberating, healing, cleansing, joyful grace, without which
we will not grow as we should in true fruitfulness and holiness in our lives. We should ask God for a true and
greater gift of repentance, ask the Holy Spirit to show us where we need to repent and to give us the grace to
do so.
Then there is the need for collective repentance in our society and our world. There are so many
things going on in our country and our world which are an abomination to God. War, violence, terrorism, torture,
cruelty, oppression, slavery, persecution, murder, the killing of the innocent by abortion, the sexual abuse of
children, sexual immorality in general, great luxury alongside destitution and starvation, economic injustice and
exploitation, the rape of the environment, gross cruelty to animals, the list could go on. Surely we Christians
should be repenting not only on our own behalf but also in a sense on behalf of humanity as a whole. Let us remember
the words of 2 Chronicles 7:14:
"If my people who are called by my name humble
themselves pray, seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive
their sin and heal their land." It is not only the Christians who will be healed,
but also our 'land'.
We Christians have the task not only of repenting for our own sins, but also in a sense of repenting
for the world around us and for the many people who have little or no understanding of what true repentance is
about. Like Moses we can repent and plead for God's erring children.
Obviously, repenting for the sins of the world and apologising to God for them is something different
from repenting for our own personal sins. At the end of this life I shall have to answer to God for my own sins
but not those of other people. However, because of our human solidarity with others it is right that we tell God
how sorry we are for their sins. For example, if Himmler, who played an important role in the murder of six million
Jews, had been my father, surely I would be right to apologise to God for his sins, to be deeply sorry about them,
and to tell God so. The same could be said about England's past treatment of Ireland.
When Jesus started preaching, he said, "Repent,
and believe in the gospel" (Mark 11:5). He is still saying that to each of us today. Let us get on with it: we will find it is the way to true
healing, fruitfulness, peace and joy.
Chapter Four: Offering
"Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven"
(Matthew 6:9). We probably say the Our Father fairly
frequently, but how far do we really mean it, how far do I mean it? Because if I fully mean it I am asking that
God's perfect will may be done in me always, and in everything connected with me. Not God's second best, tenth
best, hundredth best, but his perfect will in every aspect of my life. Of course nothing happens in this world
which God does not permit, but we are not talking here about God's permissive will - he permitted Hitler to kill
six million Jews - but about God's perfect will. (God did not want Hitler to kill the Jews but He allowed it to
happen).
So when I pray "Thy will be done on earth as it
is in heaven" I am saying to God, if I truly mean it: "My bank account is yours, my car, my house, my
books, my jewellery. I am only your steward. Tell me what you want me to. do with my property and give me the grace
to do it". The same applies to my time, my energy, my marriage, my family, my relationships,
my sexuality, my job, my talents, my opportunities, my health, my present, and my future. I have to hand over everything
to God, to Jesus, including my sinfulness, weakness, and brokenness, for I cannot cope with these on my own without
the help and grace and mercy of Jesus.
At times there has been a tendency among some Catholics to think that the clergy, the religious
and a few other devout people are called to seek perfection but not 'ordinary' Catholics, who are seeking salvation rather than sanctification and perfection. However, this two-tier
view is not that of the New Testament. Jesus is saying to each one of us, "Be
perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect" (Matthew 5:48). Perhaps some members of the historic churches can at times
learn something here from the new charismatic churches, who often seem to stress more than we do that Christianity
is a call to give absolutely everything to God.
Having written the above I feel rather nervous lest some readers may go to extremes and do something
God does not want them to do. For example, the fact that our bank account belongs to God does not normally mean
that He wants us to give all our savings immediately to the Third World. I once heard of a lady who gave all her
money to the poor and was a financial burden on her family and friends afterwards. It is very probable that some
of my readers are giving more to charity than they should, and that God wants them to spend more money on healthy
food, heating and an occasional holiday for themselves. It is also probable however that others of my readers are
not giving away as much as God wants. The important thing is to try to give away as much as God wants, not the
more the better. For some people in very difficult financial circumstances the right thing may be to give away
nothing to charity, at least for the time being, although not a few people have found that as they gave, God provided.
Giving God one's time and energy will normally involve sacrifices at times, perhaps big ones. I have written earlier
about the time given to prayer. What about work, hobbies, leisure, time given to family and friends? I met a man
who had been pursuing a successful business career, who after prayer and reflection with his wife decided to give
it up and go and work for a charity, where he remained until he retired. This involved having a considerably lower
standard of living. I am sure God is calling some other Christians to make similar changes.
Then there is the university lecturer whom I know who used to enjoy playing chess for his university. Apparently,
playing chess at that level involves spending quite a lot of time on chess. After prayer, he came to the conclusion
that he was spending time on chess which he ought to give to his family and helping needy people, so he gave up
playing chess for his university. Now, there is nothing wrong with playing chess, but the good can be the enemy
of the better, and the better of the best so when we seek to spend our time and energy as God wifis, when we seek
to follow His perfect will, it is not enough to ask whether what I am doing is useful, bearing fruit, and helping
others. We also have to ask is this the fruit God wants me to bear, or has He something different and better in
mind. For example, a medical doctor may be doing a very good job helping the sick in England, but perhaps God would
prefer him to go to a part of Africa where there is a much greater need for doctors.
Then there is the question of celibacy and marriage. Marriage is a good thing, indeed it is a sacrament. God is
surely calling most people to marriage. However, Jesus is, I am convinced, calling some people to follow Him in
the way of celibacy (Matthew 19:12) perhaps as
a celibate priest or a religious. So the question people have to ask themselves is not whether marriage is a good
thing, nor whether I would like to get married, but whether God is calling me to marriage. I know a woman who as
she came out of the shop carrying her wedding dress was told by the Lord He wanted her to become a religious sister.
After a difficult struggle she said Yes. And for some years now she has been living a very outstandingly fruitful
life as a religious sister.
There is also the whole area of fasting, eating and drinking. Obviously we should seek to eat and drink all that
God wants us to do and only that. Jesus not only gave us the example of fasting - "He fasted forty days and forty nights" (Matthew
4:2) but He also assumed that we ourselves would fast He did not say if you fast, but
"whenever you fast" (Matthew 6:16). So some fasting from food should normally be a
part of the Christian way of life, although of course there are people who for reasons of health should not fast
from food, or should do so only very little.
In the matter of food and drink there is also the question of people eating and drinking unwisely when they should
avoid doing so. Some people are ruining their health and shortening their lives by eating and drinking too much,
or the wrong things, while, alas, millions of others in the world are more or less dying of starvation.
Again, I feel rather nervous that what I have written above may lead some Christians into excesses or fill them
wrongly with feelings of guilt. St Anthony of Egypt gave away all his money to the poor, it is highly improbable
that you are called to do the same. I know well a lady who fasted on a little weak tea and coffee for forty two
days for the sake of a sick relative whose health improved most remarkably. She continued to cook for the family
and drive the car around whilst fasting. Her husband, who is a medical consultant, checked her health regularly.
It is most unlikely that God is calling you to fast for forty two days. If you are not already married and are
a young person God is probably calling you to marriage, so do not start thinking that giving your life entirely
to God will probably mean that He wants you to become a celibate priest or nun. Giving your life entirely to Jesus
will also probably not mean giving up chess or tennis for good. Nor are most English doctors called to live in
the Third World.
When Jesus is calling us to do something special he will normally in his time give us a particular attraction for
it, and he will also give us the grace to see it through whatever the difficulties. In my own case, as a teenager,
I had a number of girlfriends and never dreamed of the possibility of not getting married. However, after my conversion
at the age of about 21, I felt strongly attracted to consecrated celibacy and was no longer interested in girlfriends..
I was also no longer interested in the prospects of a successful business career. I remember Nicky Gumbel saying
that earlier as a barrister the idea of being an Anglican priest would have appalled him, yet when the time came
there was nothing he wanted more than ordination.
So if after prayer the idea of working with Aids patients, or becoming a missionary in Africa, or marrying that
particular person, or joining a particular Christian community continues to fill you with dread or deep disquiet,
then it is almost certain that God is not calling you in that direction, or at least not yet. We are all called
to bear the Cross, to make sacrifices, even sometimes big sacrifices. But we are not called to carry every cross,
only the one God chooses for us.
Jesus will give us the strength and grace and anointing we need for the cross He has chosen for us, but not for
any other cross. It can be pride to think that because someone else fasts like that, spends nights in prayer like
that, preaches like that, works late into the night like that, gives their money away like that, therefore I can
or should be doing the same. We see in 1 Corinthians 12 that we are all different parts of the body. Disasters
can happen if we seek to be a different part of the body than the one Jesus has chosen for us. Things will also
go wrong if other people try to force me into a mould which is not God's will for me.
Jesus said to his Father in Gethsemanie, "My Father, if it is possible,
let this cup pass from me; yet not what I want but what you want" (Matthew 26:39). He also said that "I have come down from heaven, not to do my will, but the will of him who sent me" (John 6:38).
Our Lady said, "Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with
me according to your word" (Luke 1:38). We are all called to seek to follow the examples of Jesus and Mary and say Yes to God's perfect will
for us. However, because we are sinners we tend to say, "Yes, but" rather than simply "Yes".
"Yes, Lord, but do not touch my health, my bank account, my possessions,
my career, my ministry, my reputation, this relationship, that hobby, my wife, my son, my daughter". Doubtless we do not normally say our "but" explicitly when we pray, but it can be there under the surface, sometimes very much so. We need
to remember that everything we give to Jesus is pure gain, and everything we withhold from him is loss.
Our withholding from Jesus is not only sinful, it is also against our true self interest, indeed it is pathetic
and stupid. If I have given everything to Jesus I am wonderfully secure, even if at the human level my position
is very insecure. Insofar as I am outside the perfect will of Jesus through my own fault, I am insecure, however
secure I may appear to be at the purely human level.
One very important event in our life to which it is especially important to try to say a complete "Yes" is our death. No one knows when we shall leave this
life. Illnesses, accidents, violence, can and quite often do unexpectedly shorten people's lives. So we should
be ready for death whenever it comes. It is good, I think, in advance to offer up our death to God and everything
connected with it. And I also think it is or can be good to ask the Holy Spirit to show us for what intentions
God wants us to offer up our death, indeed to offer up our life also. It might be, for example, for my family and
for the peace of the world. In this way our death can be a moment of great fruitfulness, perhaps the most fruitful
and meaningful moment of our life, as was the case with Jesus. (I believe very much in praying for healing and
protection, but this will not, thank God, keep us alive on this earth for ever!). So if beforehand we have accepted
and offered up our death, then if we are knocked over by a car or are hit by a heart attack, it has already been
accepted and given to God.
I must admit that I sometimes feel fearful at the thought of what Jesus may call me to do or suffer - I am temperamentally
a rather fearful person. However, saying "Yes"
is not only the right thing to do, it is also the safest. Jesus is still saying, "Follow me". If by the grace of God I do that, then there is nothing
to fear. He has seen me through the trials and sufferings of the past, and he will, I trust, continue to do so
until one day I am with Him in the glorious heavenly banquet.
Alleluia, Alleluia, AlleIuia!
Chapter Five: Listening to God
Of the five areas of prayer which I mentioned earlier, listening to God is normally by a long way the one which
is most neglected. Prayer is meant to be a dialogue with God, but so often prayer is just a monologue or nearly
so, and poor God can hardly get a word in edgeways! When the Lord called Samuel, he replied: "Speak, for your servant is listening" (I Samuel 3:10). So often we simply say, "Listen, Lord your servant is speaking".
"Be still, and know that I am God"
(Psalm 46:10). In our prayer life we should deliberately
set enough time aside to be still, to listen to God. I confess that I quite often neglect this side of prayer,
but when I manage to do it, it is so often fruitful.
We should listen to God about our agenda, but also about His. We might be asking God to show
us whether we should read a particular book, visit a person in need, volunteer for a task, resign from our job
- and it is right that we should try to listen to God on such things. However, God may have something more important
to say to us: "Forgive and love that person",
"fast more", 'Be financially more generous", "Get
up earlier to pray", 'Stop flirting with
that person". I have found that when I have asked God to speak His word to me, quite
often what came to me was not something I particularly wanted to hear! Indeed, sometimes over quite a period God
has gone on saying something which I was finding difficult That made me think all the more that it almost certainly
did come from God.
Before I go any further, I must reassure readers that I do not think that I have an infallible hot line to God!
Often I pray about a problem and seem to get no reply from God. At other times I am doubting whether what I seem
to be hearing really is from God - perhaps it is simply my wishful thinking. And even if I feel confident that
something has come from God, I have to remember that I can be mistaken. Once I felt strongly that God was saying
to me that a seriously ill elderly person with whom we were praying for healing was going to die soon. Now, several
years later, that person is still running around and living a fruitful life!
How does God guide us, speak to us? In the Bible there are of course many examples of God speaking very directly
to people. For example, there is the call of Abram in Genesis 12, and Moses at the burning bush (Exodus 3).
Indeed, the Lord spoke frequently to the Old Testament patriarchs and prophets.
In the New Testament the angel Gabriel foretells the births of St John the Baptist and Jesus (Luke 2), St Joseph is told in dreams to accept Mary as his wife (Matthew 1), to flee to Egypt and to return from Egypt (Matthew 2). Indeed, in the New Testament events are continually
guided by the Holy Spirit, sometimes dramatically so. One has only to think of the conversion (Acts 9) and life of St Paul, in which there are quite a number of direct
divine interventions, for example, St Paul and St Barnabas sent out on a mission (Acts
13), the vision calling them to Macedonia (Acts
16), and the message of the angel during the storm at sea (Acts
27).
There is also in the New Testament the key event for the future of Christianity of the acceptance
of pagans as Christians, linked with revelations to Cornelius and St Peter (Acts
10). Then there is St Peter's liberation from prison (Acts
12). In the New Testament God so often intervenes and guides clearly.
In the lives of the Saints we also frequently see examples of direct and explicit guidance, as when St Anthony
of Egypt was told to sell all his property and give the money to the poor, or when St Bernadette of Lourdes was
given messages for the parish priest. This sort of guidance is not only something of the past. Sr Breige McKenna
was praying in the chapel alone one day when she heard an audible voice saying that she had a gift of healing.
She turned round to see who had spoken and was surprised to see no one there. Then more than one person came up
to her and said that they thought God was saying that she had a gift of healing. She resisted the vocation to the
healing ministry for quite a time, but eventually gave in. Since then she has travelled in many countries of the
world exercising a very fruitful and powerful healing and evangelistic ministry.
One can also mention the prophetic word spoken to Nicky Gumbel of Holy Trinity, Brompton and Alpha by John Wimber,
saying that God was giving Nicky a special gift as an evangelist, a word which has been wonderfully confirmed by
events.
However, it needs to be said very clearly that divine guidance is not normally something dramatic
involving - things like special messages or visions. Indeed, God usually speaks to us and guides us in much more
ordinary ways. Perhaps we are wondering which of two courses of action we should take, and after prayer we may
simply and peacefully feel that one is right and the other not. Sometimes God's guidance comes to us through the
decisions of others in authority, or through external circumstances. A parent may be wondering whether God wants
them to take a holiday abroad, and then one of the children becomes seriously ill and there is no question of taking
such a holiday. God also guides us very often through the right use of that wonderful faculty, the gift of reason.
Someone may be wondering whether to buy a house, but a more careful consideration of all the financial factors
involved may clearly show that buying the house is not possible.
Obviously, decisions of greater importance require more careful discernment. One should not spend
too long on deciding whether to go shopping this afternoon or reply to letters. However, if it is a question of
deciding whether to study medicine or classics at the university, of entering a seminary, of marrying someone,
of emigrating to America, of volunteering for missionary work in Africa, of buying a house, then clearly much more
time and attention normally needs to be given to discernment. In important matters we should normally when possible
consult other suitable people and also get others to pray about the decision. In that way we are less likely to
be deceived by our own imagination, muddle-headedness, prejudices, or the devil. In important decisions we should
normally expect to get confirmations from other suitable people.
I remember when some years ago a particular group of Christians were planning to smuggle Bibles into Russia by
car. They had to choose which of many routes to take, and they prayed much about this, for if things went wrong
they would not only lose the Bibles, but it could be very dangerous for the Russians who received the Bibles -
they could end up in Siberia. So having decided on a particular route they said that they would not go unless they
received five independent confirmations as to the rightness of the route. They received their confirmations, and
all went well with the smuggling operation.
If we are seeking the guidance of the Holy Spirit on a particular question, we should place the
matter in God's hands, be willing to obey whatever guidance may be given - sometimes easier said than done - and
try to listen to God, noting any signs which may come along. It can also be good to ask God to close the doors
He wishes to close and open those He wishes to open. One good friend of mine had been asked by this wife to attend
an Alpha course with her at Holy Trinity Brompton. He replied, "Certainly
not". A day or so later a friend with whom he was playing tennis suggested he might
like to attend an Alpha course, and then very soon after another person made the same suggestion. He realised that
God might be saying something to him through these 'coincidences', so he decided to go to Alpha with his wife and it profoundly changed his life. He now runs Alpha courses
very effectively for others.
I personally tend quite often to get a sort of interior word which comes into my mind. It is frequently "Yes" or "No" to a question I have asked God. It might also be for example, "now", or "wait", or "soon", or "beware", or "speak to him",
or "enough", or "buy it", or "stop", or "courage". Indeed
such words may come into my mind when I am not specially listening. People who are more gifted than myself in this
field - and there are many of them - often receive much more developed words of knowledge, such as "there is someone here who God is wanting to heal of heart sickness, and this person's work
is involved with legal documents". (This was an actual case in our prayer group
which was confirmed by the healing which took place on a man who worked with legal documents). Or, it could be,
"there is someone here who had an accident when they were ten, and
God wants to heal their leg". Needless to say, it is normally very important that
only people whose gifts have been tested should be allowed to give out publicly such words of knowledge, otherwise
harm can be done. And it is always necessary to remember that such words of knowledge are never infallible - no
one is so gifted that they could never be mistaken.
St Ignatius of Loyola, who is regarded as a special authority on the subject of discernment, stressed in discernment
the importance of deep peace. If someone is wondering whether or not God wants them to follow a certain course
of action, they should pray seriously about it and then see if they experience a deep inner peace when they reflect
on that course of action. This deep inner peace can be seen as God's confirmation. In his famous Spiritual Exercises (54) St Ignatius
wrote: "I will find that I speak or listen as God's Spirit moves me".
When having a counselling or healing session with someone I normally suggest that after we have prayed and talked
we should listen to God in silence for a time. Quite often a word then comes into my mind. Once, at a time when
I was Prior of our community, I was seeing a guest who wanted to stay in the monastery for quite a long time. I
got the word "beware". I could not
think what I had to beware of. This guest had a rather refined accent and said that he had received a first class
honours degree in Oxford - later I discovered that the last point was true. He also said that he had a cancer operation,
which was also true. However, because of the word "beware" I was being more vigilant than I would otherwise have been, and I discovered that some of the things
he was saying about his cancer treatment clearly were not true. We had to ask him to leave. Soon after he was back
in prison once more, this time for stealing works of art from an Oxford College. Some years later I read in a newspaper
that he had just been given a prison sentence of over twenty years. Say a prayer for him. I burned my fingers a
little with this man, but I would probably have done so much more without the warning "beware".
Normally I pray before buying things like clothes and books, and on the whole over the years this seems to have
been truly fruitful. I once went off to London to buy a pair of shoes. I went into Selfridges, found a very suitable
pair, except that they were, I thought, too expensive for a monk. So I decided to look elsewhere. I passed a shop,
thought from the contents of the shop Window that it did not look promising, and was passing on to the next shop,
when I seemed to get a clear inner nudge to go back to the one I had rejected. I went in and Saw that manager,
who tried to sell me some shoes which were too expensive and uncomfortable. Then out of the corner of my eye I
noticed some solid, broad shoes which looked the right sort of thing for me. The manager said they were just casual
shoes from Poland, and in disgust left me to an assistant. The shoes were just what I wanted and were incredibly
cheap. So I bought two pairs, and a third pair a week later. These shoes lasted me for years. Just chance? I do
not think so.
However, shopping expeditions do not always end as expected. My warm heavy coat needed mending
and both friends and a dry cleaner said it was not mendable. So I thought I must go and buy a new heavy coat -
and I thought that I had prayed sufficiently about it. I arrived at the top of the underground escalators near
the shop, I said a prayer to the Lord, "You do want me to buy that
warm coat, don't you?" And I got a resounding inner "No", so I returned to the bottom of the escalator and prayed again.
The answer was still "No", so I returned
back to the monastery without the coat. A short time afterwards I tried another dry cleaning shop, and they happily
mended the coat without too much difficulty.
Some people might object that in a world where there is so much suffering and so many needy people, a priest should
have more important things to do than seek God's guidance about buying shoes or coats. However, I think God has
a loving plan for each one of us, and that this plan includes details, even such things as parking meters. Jesus
said, "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them
will fall to the ground apart from your Father. And even the hairs of your head are numbered".
(Most obviously so in my case at the age of 78!). "So do not be afraid,
you are of more value than many sparrows" (Matthew
10:29). So I think that God's loving Providence covers the small things as well as the
big. When we experience His loving care in small things that can increase our trust in Him for the big ones, which
may often seem hopeless or very difficult at the human level.
However, a warning needs to be given here. Some people can go over the top about 'guidance
from the Holy Spirit'. Some years ago a priest asked me to see a man whom he was worried
about. The man had previously had a kind of conversion experience and was convinced that the Holy Spirit was guiding
him in almost every detail of his life. It was soon clear to us that he was imagining lots of things, including
details about how and where he was to sit and when and what he was to eat. We suggested that he see a doctor, but
he would not. We told him clearly that we were convinced that he was suffering from delusions, but he would not
or could not listen to us. When he left us he agreed to see a sister involved in counselling. I hope that she succeeded
better than we did! There are times when some people need to be discouraged from too much listening to the Holy
Spirit.
We all need at times to seek confirmation from others, to be willing to be checked out by one or more other suitable
people, perhaps a doctor, a confessor, or a Spiritual friend. If we are not wise and humble enough to accept the
judgement of other suitable people when necessary, then our own fantasies and the devil can play havoc with our
lives.
Some people may think that trying to listen to God is too hazardous because of the danger of mistakes and of going
over the top Is it not better just to rely on reason and Christian common sense? Definitely not, at least in general.
The saints are, I think, the right example for us to try to follow in this matter. Many of the saints were led
in ways more or less similar to St Paul in the New Testament. Let us consider, for example, the lives of St Teresa
of Avila, the Cure d'Ars, and Padre Pio. How much less fruitful they would have been if they had not received remarkable
divine guidance. Think of Padre Pio. Because of his supernatural words of knowledge (revelations) Padre Pio was
able to greatly help and enlighten large numbers of people in a relatively short time. Not that we should think
that we are another Padre Pio or St Teresa of Avila - that indeed would be spiritual pride and dangerous. But inspired
and encouraged by their example we can seek to move in their direction.
As for myself, being something of a lame duck, would I not be better in giving up my quest for divine guidance
and leaving that to holy people? No! Despite the mistakes I make, I am sure that my life would be less fruitful
for Jesus if I stopped trying to listen to Him. Indeed, as calls on time and energy have multiplied, I am finding
it more and more desirable and necessary to try to listen increasingly to him. Certainly I need at times to check
the guidance I think I am receiving with other suitable people, including my monastic superior, the leaders of
our prayer group, and my doctor. However, if there are dangers in trying to listen to the Lord, there are far bigger
ones in not doing so.
The practical circumstances in which we find ourselves in life are frequently very complex. So
many factors concerning the present and the future are uncertain. For example, one's health and the health of others,
the uncertainty of how other people are going to react to situations, the economic and political climate in our
country and the world. So however intelligent we are, however learned, very often our reason cannot take us far
in foreseeing what is going to happen, and in knowing what is the best course of action. That is why, alas, increasing
numbers of people are turning to fortune tellers and clairvoyants, which can be very dangerous. Jesus however,
knows the future and all its circumstances. His plan for us takes into account our future circumstances. So if
we can learn to listen to Him, that can protect us from going down blind alleys and making many mistakes.
Doubtless there will be people who will criticise me for being personal in this chapter, as elsewhere in this book.
Writers on prayer, it will be said, do not usually say so much about their own life of prayer. However, I think
that by being personal this book is likely to help some readers more. I myself have benefited from the testimony
tradition in the Charismatic Renewal and elsewhere. Of course the testimony aspect can be overdone. Whether or
not I have overdone it readers will have to decide for themselves. What I can say, however, is very much in line
with the words of Our Lord to St Paul: "My grace is sufficient for
you, for My power is made perfect in weakness" (2
Corinthians 12 9)
Listening To God Through Holy Scripture
In this book on prayer obviously something needs to be written about the prayerful reading of the Bible, and the
chapter on listening to God seems to be the best place for that, since the Holy Spirit often speaks to us through
Holy Scripture. This is in part an embarrassing subject for me, since I am only too aware that I do not know the
Bible as well as I should and I do not spend enough time reading it, given the opportunities I have long had.
Of course as a priest and a monk I hear much of the Bible read in the liturgy. However, for me the biblical readings
in the liturgy do not usually sink in as much as when I am reading the Bible on my own and am able to take my time
over it, perhaps reading a particular passage several times. Indeed to be truthful, by the end of Mass I have very
often forgotten what was the first reading.
I try to spend time daily on spiritual reading (lectio divina)
of the Bible, which is something different from an academic study of the Bible, which study also has a real value
and place, but that is outside the scope of this book. Spiritual reading of the Bible is very much part of the
monastic Benedictine tradition and St Benedict in his Rule sets aside time daily for it. Alas, sometimes the pressures
of other things and my own lack of discipline cause me to drop my daily Bible reading. When this happens too often
I feel that my spiritual life suffers. There is, I think, normally no substitute for a prayerful reading of the
Bible and letting God speak to us and free us through His Word - at least that is my experience.
Before reading we should surely say a prayer to the Holy Spirit and ask Him to illuminate our minds and touch our
hearts, ask Him to feed us and speak to us through God's Word. We might, for example, read a passage of the New
Testament on forgiveness and this may bring to mind someone we have not fully forgiven. Or we might be reading
a passage about trusting God, those who know the Bible much better than I do!
Two other things can help us to know the Bible. The first is to mark passages, perhaps in different colours. This
certainly helps me to find passages I am looking for. The second is the practice of normally reading the same translation
of the Bible. I think it can be good sometimes to read a text in another translation, but if we normally stick
to the same translation that will enable us to remember texts better. It is good to ask the Holy Spirit to lead
us in our choice of translation. Finally, many Christians find it helpful to have written Bible texts on their
walls or elsewhere. I have three beautiful tiles with "Be still and
know that I am God" (Psalm 45), "Be filled with the Holy Spirit"
(Ephesians 5:18), and "Alleluia". These tiles certainly help my life of prayer at times
as I look upon them on the wall in my room.
At the end of this section I am concerned lest some readers may feel that their cultural limitations and busy lives
will mean that they will always be very much second class Christians when it comes to being fed by the Word of
God through the Bible. A mother with young children, a sick husband, and a job may well feel that my recommendations
to read the Bible daily and learn texts by heart is utopian for someone like her. To which I reply, "Do what you can and be at peace. God does not expect the impossible."
However, there is another important point which is relevant here. The blessings we receive from a prayerful reading
of the Bible are not in proportion to the amount we read or to our knowledge of the Bible. Indeed the learned Biblical
professor who may sometimes have largely forgotten that the Bible is the Word of God, may in fact receive less
spiritual nourishment from the Bible than the busy housewife who cannot remember whether the gospel of Luke comes
after or before John's gospel. It can be good to learn Hebrew and Greek and read commentaries - thank God for sound
learning - but the prayerfulness and faith with which we read or listen to God's Word in the Bible are the key
factors when it comes to being spiritually nourished and blessed through the Bible.
A last point. Given the importance of reading God's Word in the Bible, I am frequently surprised to find how some
Christians who think nothing about spending money on an expensive meal in a restaurant or on a distant foreign
holiday seem to think that they cannot afford to buy a decent Bible or a bible commentary. Priorities? Perhaps
some readers of this chapter should go out and treat themselves to a new and expensive Bible! And having bought
this new Bible, let them put it in a place of honour in their homes and not just leave it to gather dust or lie
at the bottom of a pile of books. I think many Catholics could often learn from our evangelical brothers and sisters
when it comes to respect for and knowledge of God's Word in the Bible.
Copyright © 2000 Benedict M. Heron OSB
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This Version: 26th October 2001
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